2009 has definitely been an interesting year. I’ve graduated highschool. Totalled two cars in two different accidents where I wasn’t at fault in either one. Had an engine blow up on me, bought a Jeep. Dated and Broken up for the first time in 3 years. Had the biggest snowfall I’ve ever seen in Virginia and the 2nd biggest snowfall I’ve seen in my life. So much has changed in 2009 and I expect that 2010 will be much the same, If I can get everything sorted out I will be starting College in the 2nd week of January. Hopefully I can find a job and get EMS certified. 2010 is gonna be one heck of a ride. So here’s farewell to a good decade and looking forward to another. Stay safe tonight, don’t drink and drive but please make sure to have a good time.
Yesterday and today have been really rough. Most likely the worst Christmas I’ve ever had, I’ve nobody to blame but myself. If I could change what I did I would but I can’t, this is probably going to be a long post because I need to just get this out, I hope you can take a lesson away from my mistakes.
Pretty much, here it is: I was dating, a wonderful beautiful precious young lady that I care and love more than words can express. Somewhere along the way I allowed my insecurities and trust issues to rule our relationship, I don’t even know how it happened but it did. As a result of being afraid to trust her completely I pushed her away by being easily angered, not being there for her, and being selfish but not having the heart to break up with her. In general I just wasn’t being the caring boyfriend I should’ve been. This went on for about two months, some weeks were worse than others, but completely wrong regardless. About 3 weeks ago I realized what I was doing, the pain I was causing her and how I pretty much just had my head up my butt. Thus I began the process of doing a 180, and treating her the way I needed to be treating her. In the end the damage was done and we ended up breaking things off.
As a result of her and I no longer being together the one thing I wanted and was looking forward to for Christmas didn’t happen; that was to spend part of the day with her. The past week and a half since we broke things off have been some of the toughest days of my life. I’ll be honest and say I’ve never cried so much over one thing in my life. Her and I have worked on alot of things in the past 3 weeks and eventually we came to the decision that for now the best decision for both of us would be to be to remain friends, give each other time and space to heal and sort out our feelings. As of last night I was very pleased with where things were based on the circumstances and situation we were in.
This morning while she was out running errands she called me and we got to chatting like the friends we were before dating, it was a breath of fresh air. Since I’m unable to do what I wanted as a Christmas present for her and her phone needs a new battery I decided that it would be a fitting and useful present. She was already going to head over to the verizon store to purchase one today. So I asked and arranged to meet her there so I could buy the battery, being the day after Christmas the store was packed so she decided to order the battery online. Since she had some time to kill and we hadn’t hung out at all for almost 3 weeks we sat in her car, chatted and just caught up. It seemed that things were going well. Until this evening I was driving around turning in job applications and received a phone call from her mother. Her mom informed me of things I was already aware of, such as Leah not wanting to be in a relationship with me and needing space to heal and sort out her feelings. Then her mother asked me to not have any contact with Leah based on something that happened a week ago. I respectfully informed her mother that Leah and I had worked things out and agreed to remain just friends and that we had hung out at the Verizon store earlier today. Her mom said she needed to confirm that we hung out by asking Leah. She got off the phone and called me back about 5 minutes later, and told me Leah said we didn’t hang and out and that I didn’t give her money to pay for the new battery for her phone. I hope and believe that Leah didn’t lie to her mother about it but regardless I was accused of lying about having hung out with Leah. When I tried to defend myself against said accusations, her mother became very angry and began screaming at me about how I’m not to have any contact with Leah, to go anywhere near her or her family, that I wasn’t allowed in her neighborhood and then proceeded to hang up the phone on me. It hurts, but I’m going to respect her mother and have no contact.
Thus is the story of the worst Christmas I’ve ever had. I’ve learned alot about myself from the whole thing, how to treat others and many lessons. I wish I could go back and redo the whole thing but I can’t. Whats done is done, I’m going to have to live with the consequences and make the best out of it.
I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you, I’d give the world to change what I did. I know I hurt you, and don’t deserve to even know your name, but if you can find it in you to give me a chance to prove to you that I’ve changed, please allow me that opportunity
tomorrow is Christmas, makes today the eve of Christmas. Looking forward to the celebrations, maybe going to a movie with my parents. I said I didn’t want anything for Christmas so we’ll see how that goes. Next week should be fun, I need to get registered for college and see about getting new axels for the Jeep so its ready to drive up to Connecticut. Lord willing I’ll be able to find a job too and everything will sort itself out.
Like Santa says
Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night 😉
Its been an interesting holiday season. Lots of self realizations. Lots of different emotions, pain even. I wish I could go back and undo the things I did, but sadly whats done is done. All we can do as people is forgive, forget and continue to love. Doing what we can to reconcile and repair broken relationships, taking a break or even ending them if thats whats best for everyone. When you really get into the nitty gritty of relationships you learn alot about yourself that you probably would rather not know, you come to realize just how broken and desperately in need of a savior you are.
its been almost a whole 8 months since I posted last. I miss it. so much has changed since my last post. I’ve been dated an amazing young lady for almost 5 months, but we’re on a “Break” so things seem to be pretty much over. I’ve graduated highschool. Bought a Jeep, enrolled in College and start in January. I’m going to try to get back in the habit of blogging. I miss it, I want to get into a habit of it. I’ve said it before, but walking out and dedicating time to things proves what you’re really all abo
I’m not even sure how I stumbled across this song, and I’m sure I’ve heard it before. Regardless, what matters is that right here and now this song is helping me to have conversation with God like John Mark McMillan talked about over at his blog a few days ago(click his name, its a link). It gets me excited about God and not only what He’s already done, but what He’s got planned for my future and those around me. Without further ado here is a LINK to the song.
I know I’m white, so much so that if I were to take my shirt off in the dark I quite possibly might glow. 😀
Honestly I don’t care what you think, I’ll roll through downtown Richmond with some good christian rap playing. This blog is primarily for me, to help me sort through my thoughts better and figure out this thing we call life, you just happen to be along for the ride. For now I’m off to get some sleep, Farewell.
May God hold you close, and keep you all the days of your life.
In the one who has found me,
Tonight on Facebook my buddy Evan posted a status that cut straight to my heart. Not in a mean way, but in that it convicted me. He said: “This is a messed up world we’re living in”. That is the honest and raw truth about the state of this earth if i’ve ever heard it. As soon as I read that I thought: “I know and see everyday how messed up this world is, how badly it needs Jesus, But what am I doing about it?”
Jesus, make me like you.
teach me and show me how to be approachable.
teach me and show me how to respond in love when I am attacked with cutting words.
teach me and show me how to love like you.
help me to see people as you see them.
break me, cleanse me of myself and challenge me in my walk with You
take this hard heart and give me a heart for the lost.
may the cry of Your heart be my heart’s cry.
Father, take me to the foot of the cross, take me into the very place where your Glory dwells.
Its been an interesting ride with all of my vehicle troubles but through it all the Grace of God has shown through time and time again and even His mercy on occasion. Recently I was at my local junkyard and as I was heading home I got backed into at stoplight, the truck was still drivable but the damage was more than the truck was worth. Little did the enemy know that his ploy to yet again put me out of a vehicle was going to fail and God was going to bless us with two vehicles…both need some TLC but are in really good shape.
One of the vehicles my mom bought is a 98 Volvo S70, the top motor mount bushing is shot…so tomorrow morning I will be cutting that sucker out and replacing it with a poly bushing. 🙂 Then if everything goes to plan I will be heading to my local junkyard(the same one as before) to pull a replacement engine out of a Toyota Paseo so that I can get my Tercel back on the road. Will be a long but interesting day, much will be learned and many pictures taken.
The conference was absolutely amazing, God moved in amazing ways. I wish I could describe it to you, but its one of those things that you had to be there to truly understand it. Dustin and I took close to 600 pictures during conference using his Canon Rebel XTI. He is much more skilled at taking pictures than I and thus most of the pictures that turned out good were taken by him. Here’s a few of my favorites for your viewing pleasure:
If you want to see the whole set you can head HERE